forgiveness
I know it's because of my stubbornness, but I've been finding it more and more difficult for me to forgive people.
Since Venus' pre-retrograde shadow phase a few months ago, I've been cutting people out of my life left and right. I whittled down my close friends list on Instagram to about 15 people (technically, it's around 20, but some of those people aren't active anymore). One wrong move and you're off the list. Someone I've known for about 15 years now saw a close friends story that I had posted on my ex's birthday, and somehow misunderstood it to mean that that day was my birthday, about 2 months earlier than it actually was. And out the close friends list they went. Since I curtly told them "it's [ex's name]'s birthday" in response to their happy birthday wish to me, I haven't said a word to them. I still remember their birthday but they couldn't bother to remember the correct month mine was in. I would've preferred them not wishing me happy birthday on my real birthday than getting it completely wrong.
One on hand, it hurts my feelings, but on the other hand, I understand that dates are not as important to people as they are to me. But does that mean they still should ignore how important those things are to you? Maybe I'm justified in this situation, maybe I'm being too harsh.
I recently got into an argument with one of the only friends I've made since moving here. We have nice moments together sometimes, but outside of those moments he seems to irritate the living hell out of me. He's flaky. He's flippant. He often talks about plans to do something, but when the day comes, I wait for a message that never comes. This time was no different. He was going to a party yesterday, and he asked if I wanted to hang out afterward since he was planning on only stopping by for a little while. I agreed to do so. Except 2 hours passed, and then 3 hours, and then nearly 4 hours... (at this point it was already past 11PM). I messaged him saying if he's not going to follow through with the plans that he makes then to not invite me at all. He called me later to tell me sorry, but is "sorry" really enough?
When I find myself in these situations, I don't really know how to react. Actually, I become somewhat mute. But he kept talking and talking and talking, saying more flippant things and constantly asking if I was still on the phone... Personally, I can't stand if people try to crack jokes not too long after apologizing to me for something, or making me upset. To me, it feels like the other party is not taking it seriously. But after someone says sorry, what are you supposed to say next? What are you supposed to talk about? Do you just let bygones be bygones and change the subject?
I'm aware of the 5 apology languages—similar to the 5 love languages. I suppose mine would be making restitution and/or genuinely repenting. But even after the other person has made an apology that I feel is worth forgiving, how do we ease into talking like normal again? I'm starting to think that apologies via text are much easier to handle due to the waiting period when it comes to messaging. The pacing is much easier to handle, and tensions can go down naturally. You can even take time to decide whether you want to forgive them or not. But on the phone, or face-to-face, there is the pressure to keep the conversation going. Perhaps I haven't met the person who is on the same apology-wavelength as me yet.
I will say this: you absolutely do not have to forgive someone who is telling you "sorry" just for the sake of saying "sorry."